just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
