it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
