he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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