I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
