He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
