Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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