only if we run a train.
done.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
