I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
