he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
