How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
