we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
