Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just pee around me
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
