Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
