somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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