literally had 100 drinks last night.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
