You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
