dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
cat food counts as protein by the way
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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