I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
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He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
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It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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