college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
