I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
