they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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