I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
