apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
