Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
