i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
