I heard we made out
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
my liver is dry heaving
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
