The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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