Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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