I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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