If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just threw up on my dentist
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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