maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
