Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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