So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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