He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
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A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
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whose parrot is this?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize