Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
