listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Randomize
