Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
