I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
