Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
