I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
