Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
