last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
