The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
