There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
this beer tastes like vomit already
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
