had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
