I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
