I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
