Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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