Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
