Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
