I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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