somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Bring me that man meat
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
