So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
