And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
