if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
