i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize