he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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