There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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