You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
