hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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