Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
