I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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