dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
