dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
