Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
smell my finger.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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