I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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