Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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