I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
