he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
