You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
