dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
