Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
