Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
two words...techno handjob
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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