haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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