I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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