My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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