Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
