we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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